Tokyo

Well loves, it’s been a BIT since I caught up with ya’ll on the wild world of Taegan in retirement (ha!). So let’s rewind to a few weeks back, before you know our new world order during the pandemic of COVID-19. While we’re on that topic, I will note that it was strange to leave the US and return to such a state, Jessica and I were fairly lucky to even be allowed back into the states, had it been one more day or one more week out of the country and I think we would have been locked out! WILD, just wild to think that. Anyways, let’s start and talk about our journey in South East Asia. Fast forward through the 20 hours of travel, and we’re in Japan!

We arrived in the late afternoon and proceeded to check into our hotel, The Nest which was located in Hanzomon right in the city center. Our room was tiny, good thing Jessica and I are also tiny and packed light. We decided to needed to beat the jet lag, so we showered and ventured out for some sushi. It was a bit rainy and chilly that evening so we decided to stay local in our ‘hood. We stumbled upon this great little sushi spot just a few blocks over, 鮨処平河 it was FANTASTIC! The restaurant was tiny and we chose two seats at the sushi bar upon arrival. The entire staff was friendly and accommodating, even provided us with English menus. We opted for a sampler platter and Japanese whiskey. Little did we know that we would get a tom collins glass full of straight whiskey, hello tipsy, but we’d also get schooled on the proper way to consume sushi - no chop sticks so you best use your hands, fish side down in soy sauce never rice first! The tuna was so damn good, ugh we had made it to the promised land of fresh fish and couldn’t be happier after our long travels. We retired early that night and slept incredibly well.

We woke up bright eyed the next morning, and set out on a 14 mile walking excursion. We started out by heading to the Tsukiji Outer Market. WOW, was it delish, yes friends we ate tuna and salmon and oysters for brekkie. Talk about surprise and delight - our tastebuds were elevated beyond belief. The fish was so fresh, so many stalls and vendors to choose from. We probably did about 3 loops before deciding on the best place to sample. We also treated ourselves to matcha lattes, that were not only delicious, but kept us go-go-go for the marathon that lied ahead of us.

After getting our fill at the market we decided to stroll towards some other spots in the city, specifically we wanted to check out a few neighborhoods and open air markets and end at Shibuya City. We found the best little spot to pick up some vintage kimonos - yes folks we were so excited! Jessica found a really beautiful vintage white one, and then we discovered a red vintage one with birds on it for me! I am so excited to debut it around town … whenever that may be, until then it will be enjoyed within the 4 walls of my home.

We finally after 14 miles, made our way to Shibuya City. We were starving so we dined at Shabu shabu and had the best waygu hot pot ever. From there we ventured to this little hidden gem of a speakeasy, where I had the best french 75! Tokyo - you were a blast and we cannot wait to return! After a quick 48 hours we left early the next day and took flight to Kuala Lumpur!

Against the grain

Howdy sweetpeas, it’s been ages since I wrote and sitting down now after a lovely Bikram class, I’m finding some grounding and extra energy to pour into this letter to the universe and to you dearest reader.

Against the grain … no darling, this is not about a grain-free recipe, but I do have several I can share. This post is about leaving my Corporate job, the title I worked so damn hard for, the amazing people I still think about daily, the decade plus of time, energy, and growth. I chose to say goodbye to a decent salary and job security and embrace the unknown, hello unemployment! Yep, I haven’t lost my marbles, I’ve actually been quite calculated and meticulous about my departure from the Corporate world and as my friends say, ‘Tae, you’re retired at 34 and living the dream!’ - HA! What a spin on unemployment. And let’s be honestly, I did not win the lotto and my savings will only go so far, so call it what you will, but it was the biggest, scariest, hardest, and BEST decision I’ve ever made for myself. I guess the theme to 2020 is leaving behind what no longer serves me, it seems to be trending on the job and personal relationship front.

As long as I can remember I’ve always had a job, even if it was the most basic and sure maybe it was a chore and I made $1, I was taught to work hard and earn my way. We didn’t grow up with an abundance of money just lying around … well unless you count the money Dad used to hide in the freezer … I can’t remember ever going without the toys, clothes, sports gear, food, or vacations. It was only later in life I realized the struggle my Mom went through as a single mother, and the things she went without to provide for my brother and I. I think at an early age I learned the value of being a hard worker, in putting in the work, what it meant to take care of what you had, and that you should earn things and not expect things. This sentiment stuck with me throughout the years and still resides deep within me today. Let’s cut to the chase, I have worked my little tushy off for MANY MOONS. I have had horrible bosses, awful projects, travel woes, misogynistic colleagues, and toxic leaders over the last 18+ years. I remember one boss who shouldn’t have ever mentored or managed others. There was no advocacy, no support, in fact I think this person felt threatened by me, and because of that I missed the promotions I deserved, I didn’t have anyone to help me go into battle to ask for a raise or to fix my title. This is probably why I am so damn passionate about mentorship and career pathing today. I want to shield others from having awful experiences like I did. But I also realized that there was a fine line between working hard and being taken advantage of. Working hard and being respected. Working hard and earning the life you dreamed of. Working hard and losing yourself along the way. Working hard and knowing when you’ve missed out on being present and aware of the here and now. Working hard and for what? To have soared in a career, but to have neglected the rest of my life? Let’s see the stats; single, 34, desperately wants a family, wants to own instead of rent, doesn’t even have a dog. Sigh, what have I really accomplished with all this time and energy in my career?

So yes I worked 40, 60, 80+ hour work weeks all through my twenties and well into my thirties. I had dreams and I was going to achieve them. I sacrificed my own personal time to find pixel perfection, to impress my leaders, to get my team what they needed, to go the extra mile for my client, or because I was told to or threatened and so I just did it. I’ve been a big fan of work life balance, and until late, I thought I had done a really good job at it over the years despite a few instances, but I lost sight of it somewhere along the way. I’m not sure how I ended up traveling every single week, often flying to one or more cities, coming home on the weekends and just crashing from sheer exhaustion. I neglected my family, friends, and most importantly myself. A few months back I remember waking up after a long 2 week trip across the country and seeing myself in the mirror, truly seeing myself. I was shocked to see this frail, exhausted woman, with more wrinkles than I remembered and this expression that just screamed TIRED. Who the fuck was this and where did my youthful glow go? I did not recognize myself and it was in that moment that I finally admitted to myself how exhausted I truly was. I can’t remember ever feeling so awful. My eyes were heavy, I had lost significant weight, I was barely sleeping and eating. I was chronically sick. 2019 was a tough year for me relationship wise, peep the earlier post Living in truth to play a little catch up if you’d like. I actually thought that I had some sort of disease and went through a slew of doctors visits, blood work, scans, saw specialist and turns out all was good, except it wasn’t. This my dear friends was stress. I had manifested so much stress within my little vessel and it was truly eating away at me day by day. Now, to be fair this wasn’t just my last job, but this stress had been building within me for at least the last decade. Why is it that we feel like we always have to go-go-go. That we can’t hit pause once in a while? Given the state of my own union, I immediately took action, I scaled back on travels as much as possible. I booked myself appointments with an Ayurvedic Chinese Medicine Woman who performed acupuncture and provided me with herbs. I changed my diet and my lifestyle. I made a promise to myself that I was going to leave my current job because I need to hit pause. Operation 2020: declutter and destress my life.

I had finally hit a breaking point in my life and career and asked myself, ‘What the FUCK am I doing?’. I was spending every single week on a plane, living out of hotel rooms and on take out food (yes still healthy friends). Missing important events, birthdays, and holidays. Just missing out on LIFE and the people who make our time on earth worthwhile … and news flash this had been happening for several years, it was now what I considered a habit, and a bad one. Yes there are a few other ingredients that added to that shit storm I was surviving in—because let’s be honest it was survival mode—but no need to get into those juicy details now. I will add that while in the shit storm, I was fortunate to work and mentor some of the most talented, creative, and hard working souls. My partners in crime, my ride or dies, travel buddies, and work brothers and sisters. I had a few great leaders that I will be forever grateful to for their support, encouragement, understanding, and friendship. At the end of the day all of those wonderful aspects of the current job, couldn’t make up for all the bad ones present and past. I do take ownership of contributing to the stress, and I have many lessons learned in my own self conducted retrospective. Bottom line, it was time to make a change and that meant it was time to resign and time to nourish myself.

So, welcome to the ‘retired’ life, or unemployment life whichever tickles your fancy; where I’m teaching a few yoga classes a week and picking up some freelancing gigs. I’ve been cooking and baking a ton. Catching up with friends and family, and have a big ole trip planned with my bestie at the end of Feb. I COULDN’T BE HAPPIER. I making pennies on a yoga teacher salary and I’m on a strict budget. I’ve given up on buying a house right now and instead decided to take that money to invest in myself. It’s a weird place to be in, job-less that is, it’s a new space, new mindset, new sense of freedom and empowerment. Am I little anxious?—sure, but I’m more excited than anything. I feel as if this slice of time is providing the space to recharge, get healthy, and to also figure out what’s next. Will I return to the Corporate world? That is unknown, but I can’t say never. Sometimes we need space between one thing to the next, and I am excited to honor that. It’s rare these days to not have the next thing lined up, whether we’re taking about a job or relationship you pick—but it’s true. I don’t think we allow enough time to just be, to process, and to accept the space and know that it’s all going to work out exactly the way it should. So let’s stop stressing and worrying and just surrender to the moment.

Now that I’ve shared a lot, and maybe overshared along the way, I’ll leave you with this. I plan to nourish myself in 2020, I promise whatever I pour myself into next, because let’s be honest I’m a black and white kinda gal—there are no shades of grey for me, I will honor and respect what I truly need. It’s not so scary to go against the grain, to chose to walk away from a job or relationship when it’s no longer the right fit, what’s scary is staying in it and losing yourself. We often become creatures of habit or we justify all the reason why we’re doing what we’re doing, but really we’re just making excuses for ourselves. That phase ‘the ends justify the means’, makes my skin curl. Fuck that crock of shit, I live in the NOW and if the now is awful it needs to change, how can you endure day after day, year after year in misery? Honoring the truth within you and reaching for what you need is the harder choice, but I promise sweetpeas, it’s the best choice—always. If you need courage, support, or want to share your journey feel free get in touch. I’ll be sure to keep y’all posted on what happens next. xx

Love & Light,

T

Living in truth

It’s time for us to live in our own truths. It’s hard  to recognize intuition vs fear, allowing for pain in order for peace. I recently made the tough decision to separate from my partner. He is the most amazing man I’ve had the last 3 years to grow, struggle, and thrive with. It was through chance that we met, through vast space and the immensity of time in this universe. When we met I instantly felt my soul pulse, this was my soul mate - in this life, those before and those yet to come. He was everything I wanted and needed, but for a long time I sat with fear. I ignored the red flags that my body was producing. I couldn’t get in touch with my intuition, and heck why would I? I had finally found my mate, a beautiful spiritual soul who would do anything for me, who waited for me while I traveled the world for 3 months, who held so much space for me to grow, who was very much the yin to my yang. I never wanted to change anything about him because he was always a vision of the most complete man in my mind. Of course he’s the one, this was it I remember thinking.

Sounds perfect right? So why break it off? Well sweet peas, for a long time that little pang in my belly, or unknown cause of stress, or that feeling of discontent wouldn’t go away. And man oh man did I struggle. I blamed it on diet, travel, work, whatever I could besides acknowledging it was fear. Fear that as much as we loved one another, that our paths were not forever intertwined. That we very much wanted to fit our dreams into the same snow globe, because when you love this deeply you fight to keep it, you compromise, you put them first and yourself second.  We very much were fighting our own truths because of the fear of losing one another which is why having this conversation over the last three years was beyond challenging. It was met with fleeting moments, resistance, maybe only discussed after a cocktail when we all know our true feelings surface. There’s a lot of learning and growing for the two of us since things bubbled and erupted. In reality at the time, we wanted very different things at the end of the day, and no matter how much we had discussed and planned and tried to compromise we both couldn’t live and breathe our own truths while supporting a collective truth.

Digging deep down over the last year I finally started to peel back the hidden layers and the reality of what I had been battling. Also, those back to back retrogrades were painful but so necessary. When our last retrograde ended in April I woke up for the first time with a clear head and heart and knew exactly what needed to happened. As scary as it was to admit the path forward and of course the flood of tears and raw emotion that ensued I had to fight for my own truth, my dreams, what I needed and felt deep within my soul. I battled myself and this intuition, could I make it work? ... did we have to leave one another? ... maybe we somehow both woke up on the same orbit and all will be ok. But the reality is, we had not been in the same astral plane and we both were trying to jump space and time to align with one another. Speaking what was on my mind and how I was feeling was incredibly hard, in fact it was one of the hardest moments of my life. I had to tell the man that I love so so deeply that we could no longer be together, that our time together romantically had come to and end, but that I would forever love him, but that love simply wasn’t enough. All of this was happening and my heart was beating out of my chest as tears rolled down my cheeks. I was saying goodbye to my best friend, soul mate, and lover. Despite the emotional turmoil I also had this strange feeling of peace. I stood up for what I needed and what I was feeling and when you do that honeybuns, the fear subsides.

In reflection it’s easy for me to pinpoint when my intuition spoke to me, but when I was living it, I was out of tune with my own divine self. What I’ve learned is that we don’t always need to understand what we are feeling, but when we feel “it” we need to be honest to it. We need to nurture, feed it, soothe it, embrace it. Saying I can’t be here with you now, is not an easy statement to make - but that’s sometimes what you have to do. Even when you can’t make sense of it, and every part of my mind was scared as hell to verbalize that. However, in my case - I immediately felt a calm wash over my body as the words left my lips. And that’s how you also know honeybuns, that you did the right thing. Now, nothing is forever that we all know, but each moment matters and you should embrace and fight for what we have today knowing that tomorrow it could all change. In the last month I’ve been able to reflect on why I wanted all of these things, and the truth is that I felt I had found my person, I wanted to do ALL OF THE THINGS with this one soul. Why in the heck would I want to wait any longer? I was READY and because of that - it has made this all the more difficult - I had poured my heart to another soul who was not ready to receive this and was not reciprocating the same sentiment back. Fair to say my ego was crushed, and that’s added to part of this broken feeling that has taken up space within me. But I’m working through it, I’m not afraid to give my heart away and I’m so proud of myself for doing it, even if it wasn’t greeted with open arms or the same sentiments. The work continues loves.

It’s incredibly hard to identify that love isn’t enough. It sounds terrible to write that but in reality it’s the truth. We need more than just love and love is SO important. But we also have another needs, hopes, and dreams that need to be supported by that love. You also need to have a partner whose dreams are similar with yours - who understands the power of love, commitment, companionship, compassion, and compromise. 

That’s all for today loves, will keep you posted as life unfolds. Please connect with me if you want to discuss, love & light xx

The Humble Life

Humility is the quality of being humble and means putting the needs of another person before your own, and thinking of others before yourself. It encompasses the thought we are always the teacher and forever a student, and it can mean acknowledging that you are not always right. 

Ego often interferes with Humility because there is always a duality with Oneness. You need both ends of the spectrum to appreciate the opposing forces, but also to understand them (same same, but different). Ego is essentially a series of past events, happenings, traumas, and memories strung together in a series that you impose your own view onto another. Ego is putting yourself first and others second.

Lately, I’ve found myself experiencing both ends of the spectrum, the Oneness of it all it all if you will. Understanding and forgiving, while also angry and sad. When these moments occur, and they do so often, all I can do is acknowledge and bow forward in respect. I know we need both, and was reminded today of my study of Osho. That “relation” exists between two selves. But the true goal is to not have relations, because relations imply duality, and when we have two, there cannot be one. Oneness can only exists between two no-selves. Now, I probably lost most of  you, but that’s okay, the best way to summarize is that we are all one and all connected. So naturally it makes sense we experience it all, because there is never one without the other. 

So whenever I find myself in this dance, I roll out my mat and practice yoga. There is a spiritual science behind the poses, and I can attest to the power of them. The act of bowing (or forward folding) is calming to your mind, body, and nervous system. Relaxing your muscles and softening your sense organs are both subtle actions. Through humble thoughts and actions we can start to wade our way through whatever may be in front of us - if even for a moment - and in that, we can often find the peace we seek. 

The Traveling Gypsy

As I alluded to in my Instagram post earlier this week, travel is not always glamorous but in fact can be down right awful. Usually we see the best slice of travel, maybe the sweet hotel room views, the cafe you had 2 mins to enjoy while on the way to the client site, maybe the river or street art captured while you woke up at 6 am just to get in that run or yoga class. I could go on and on especially about the downside of travel - but instead honeybuns let’s keep it upbeat. Here are my top survival tips for how to pack, what to store in your carry on, and how to make the most out of your travels so that you’re taking care of YOU along the way.

The Luggage situation

The Rollie 
I am a new owner of the Away The Carry-On - and LOVE it! The wheels glide so smoothly, I can fit all the things into it, and it’s so light weight. Definitely an upgrade from my ragged old Samsonite rollie. I also carry on always, ALWAYS, #always, even on my two week trips, I avoid checking my bag. I’ve had too many lost luggage incidents to deal with the stress that causes. So I pack light and keep everything close. 

The Pack
I recently upgraded to a new Patagonia Black hole 30L pack and couldn’t be happier. My old bag which was great - just wasn’t cutting it; I had a 25L Hershel. She was good for the last 4 years and was due for retirement after some rips and tears. This new pack can hold it all - definitely makes one or two week trips manageable. Whatever over flow that can’t fit into my Rollie goes into the pack. Complete with several pockets to keep me organized. There’s a pocket for everything. Air travel has become so much easier. May seem silly that I’ve put such an emphasis on luggage but it truly makes a huge difference. 

Next up, how to pack the right things

So it really depends on what kinda trip you’re taking but I practice the “Marie Kondo” method for what makes it way into my rollie. I opt for my favorite dress, jeans, sweater, shoes, and jackets. I do this because travel is stressful enough and if I feel good in what I’m wearing then I’ve at least got a thumbs up in that aspect. Nothing like arriving to your hotel and then realizing WTF did I pack? Why did I bring something that, 1) I am not comfortable in and 2) I don’t feel great in and 3) may not even be functional (yes I’ve packed a skirt without a top to complete the look). So I always pack my favorite staple pieces, I’m also guilty of all black everything with a few splashes of color. This is done for a few reasons. Mostly because I can rewear a majority of those items. Makes for easy mix and match outfits. And let’s be honest, if I spill something it’s usually not noticeable. 

Snacks

This is a KEY piece to any successful trip and I’m not exaggerating, you’ve got to make sure you have your snack bars, mixed nuts, dark chocolate goodies to help you when you’re so hangry you could hurt somebody. You also need to stay . as hydrated as possible, water, WATER, #water. Some of my favorite staples include:

• Justin’s nut butter packets

• Dark chocolate (been loving on Endangered Species)

• Macadamia nuts, Almonds, or any mixed nuts will do

• Purely Elizabeth Granola bars (grain free!)

• Tea bags

• Potato chips (GUILTY! Need this especially being grain free, gluten free)

• Paleo Beaming Granola

The Hotel situation

So, I’ve got about every hotel rewards program you could imagine, Marriott/SPG, IHG, Hilton … the list continues. What I find most critical in booking hotels is the proximity to a yoga, spin, or barre studio. It’s super important to maintain healthy workout habits when traveling. I focus mostly on yoga studios because that is how I survive travel. I need that grounding and centering that I can only achieve in a sacred studio space. I use the MindBody app to help me explore local places when on the road.

The Mantra

As I mentioned last week in my instagram post, a mantra is super important to have while on the go. Some of you may be wondering what a mantra is, so let me explain honeybuns. A Mantra is a word or sound repeated to aid concentration in meditation. In yoga, chanting a mantra focuses concentration on a single thought or stills the mind in meditation. Last week my personal mantra happened to be the Maha mantra (Hare Krishna). When this particular mantra is said out loud it helps to enhance consciousness to the greatest possible degree.

The maha mantra is chanted for the benefits of the energies of the three Hindu deities referred to in the mantra. The name comes from the Sanskrit, maha, meaning “great”; man, meaning “to think”; and tra, meaning an "instrument" or "tool." A mantra, therefore, is an “instrument of thought.” The mantra goes like this:

Hare Krishna, Hare Krishna, Krishna Krishna, Hare Hare
Hare Rama, Hare Rama, Rama Rama, Hare Hare

I personally enjoy listening to mantras when flying, and Krishna Das is my go to! Peep him here on Spotify for lots of good songs, or view the Hare Krishna video on Youtube.

Your mantra doesn’t have to be the above, it could be as simple as “Love”, “I am okay”, or “Breathe in, breathe out”. Whatever phrase or word resonates with you is a great place to start. some alternative mantras that are very powerful are the below:

• “Aham Prema” (ah-hem-pree-mah) This mantra translates to “I am Divine Love,” a simple mantra to chant 108 times

• “Aum Gum Shreem Maha Lakshmiyei Namaha” (ohm-guum-shreem-mah-ha-lok-shmee-yay-na-mah-ha) ...

• “Om Mani Padme Hum” (ohm-mah-nee-pahd-may-huum)

Now, if this is the ONLY thing you take away from my post then my work here is done. As a society we need more meditation, so fly on little birds and spread your wings, sing your mantras high into the trees.

The Oils

Naturally I have my go-to oils that I always have with me. The list includes:

• Peppermint (aids digestion and sore muscles)

• Lavender (for skin, sleep, frizzy hair)

• Citrus Refresh (pick me up boost!)

If I’m traveling during a new moon, full moon, or in retrograde, then I usually pack one of the following:

• New Moon

• Full Moon

• Custom blend of Sage, Lavender, + grounding oils

I think that about covers the bases. Of course I always have a great travel hat, my sunnies, my crystals, and a good book to accompany me on the go. I would love to hear how you stay sane and healthy while on the go! Always love to hear about new travel trips and ways to make travel more efficient! Love & Light, xx

•☽☽☽ EMPOWERMENT in RETROGRADE ♥ |

𐃇♥𐃘

Sweetpeas, I hear you, feel you, + love you! We’re all riding that wave of the highest of highs and lowest of lows. Hopefully if you’ve been restless that has eased up for you as mamma moon is waxing. This is the cosmos’ not so subtle signal for you to get groovin’ - as the moon grows brighter and fuller its time to check in on your own goals you set earlier in the week or perhaps even last month or at the start of the year. Are you DOING, FEELING, SAYING all the things you promised yourself you would? Now is the time honeybuns, get groovin’ so you can harness the moons energy to support you. Feel the empowerment to take control and move yourself forward in the direction that supports your dreams and needs.

...

New Moon Aromatherapy Mister

So glad I have this spray to help a lady out! It’s my go-to when the energy seems to stir up all the emotions + feelings, especially this week as we embrace the new moon, celebrate ladies all over the world, and find ourselves in retrograde ... yet again.  Peep the shop tab to get your own! 

#holistichealing #essentialoils #therapeutic #etsyshop #etsy #moonbeamsinthyme #aromatherapy #CBD #shoplocal #upstateny #holistichealth #etsysellersofinstagram #newmoon #retrograde #energy #energyhealing #travelinggypsy #internationalwomensweek #mammamoon #lunar #waxing #mystic

Heaven is a bowl of (paleo) granola

Beaming Paleo Granola

GET IN MY BELLY! Legit the only phrase I have for this magical and delicious granola! It is so satisfying and really versatile! Now before I hop in with the recipe, I wanted to give my fan club a little 101 as to why I would make a grain free, gluten free, vegan, paleo granola. Because for some of you who know me well … mostly all my roommates, (shout out to Chelsea, Laura, and Ali), I went through a phase where I would make granola weekly. All types and kinds, perfecting the subtle sweetness with a crisp factor and must needed cluster ratio. I could eat a batch a week plain, on yogurt, and in smoothies. If you’ve been following along some of my earlier post I’ve been riddled with stomach issues for the last 8 years, ever since I had the norovirus (you know the crew ship one? meanwhile this bird has never stepped foot on cruise ship!), my gut health has never been the same. I’ve tried heaps of things, gluten free, dairy free, vegan, vitamins, supplements, prayer, cleansing, ordered expensive tests, you name it. I even STOPPED eating granola, because it was too harsh on my stomach. I pretty much have a hard time digesting any type of grain, rice, quinoa, corn, wheat, etc. Sooo, amongst other things I’ve recently gotten some advice from a dear friend that perhaps me and all those grains really don’t get along, and not just the glutenous kind and that I should really just rid my diet of them for a good while to see if I have any issues. Enter paleo granola!

My mom and I recently spent the day shopping and ventured to Whole Foods and while there I picked up this lovely and also expensive paleo granola; Effi Probiotic Chicpea Granola >> its SO GOOD! So if in a pinch or just want it premade, order this goodness. So naturally this granola was the inspiration for creating my own, because let’s me real folks, at the rate I eat this stuff, I would go broke. So enough about the rhyme and reason, let’s get to the recipe. I looked around at a whole bunch before creating this combo of ingredients. As always feel free to experiment. One caveat is that you do absolutely need sugar to help bind all the things, so if you’re on a sugar free or candida diet, perhaps try monk fruit, I prefer lakanto and it comes in syrup, raw, and granular forms. I like this way better than stevia and you can 1:1 with the monk fruit which makes it easier for substitutions in recipes.

INGREDIENTS

3/4 cup raw almonds
3/4 cup raw walnuts
3/4 cup raw cashews
1/4 cup sacha inchi seeds (super seeds!)
1/3 cup raw sunflower seeds
¼ cup unsweetened coconut flakes
¼ cup coconut oil
1/3 cup maple syrup*
1 tsp. pure vanilla extract
2 tsp ground cinnamon (you could use any alternative spice too!)
Pinch of sea salt

Optional Add Ins:

Cherries, cranberries, apricots, or other dried fruits.

You can vary any of the nuts/seeds above. Swap pecans, peanuts, pumpkin seeds, etc. I used what I already had in the pantry, so you can’t really go wrong!

INSTRUCTIONS

Preheat oven to 275 °F.

In a food processor or blender, add nuts and coconut flakes. Do not over blend looking for nice blend of whole and blended nuts. I started with smaller amounts of each nut and pulsed in my ninja for a few and the consistency was purrrrfect!

Heat coconut oil, maple sugar (or other sweetener), cinnamon and salt over medium high heat in a large saucepan, for about 3-5 minutes. Remove from heat and stir in vanilla. Then add the dry mix: seeds, nuts and coconut flakes and stir to coat.

Line a baking sheet with wax or parchment paper, spread granola mixture evenly onto a baking sheet.

Bake for 20-25 minutes or until lightly browned. Remove from oven and add dried fruit (if desired), may need to press into granola mixture so they will stick.

Allow to cool for about 15 minutes or until hardened. Break apart granola, sample your creation. Store in an airtight container or mason jar for up to 2 weeks if it lasts that long.

NOTES

*Alternative sweeteners: agave, coconut nectar, honey, molasses.

As mentioned feel free to swap out any nut / seed combo you’d like, just so long as you have between 2-3 cups total.

Be sure not to overcook your mixture! It’s easy to leave it and forget it in the oven, luckily it’s on a low temp, but we don’t want to over cook it either! Timers are helpful and just keep an eye on things.

Lastly, I used cinnamon as my spice because this time of year I’m all about boosting circulation to help warm my body for the winter. You could easily use cardamom, ginger, nutmeg, or swap the whole thing out to be more savory, which is my next version! You can use garlic, rosemary, or hot chili flakes. Play on the salty, sweet, and hot flavoring YUM. Will post my findings on the savory edition soon. Until next time, happy eating, sending love + light. xx

ORDER HERE!

Not interested in making it yourself? Now offering 4, 8, 16 oz bags of this goodness!

2018 in REFLECTION →

Between all the retrograde heartache - cuz let’s be real that shit was intense and challenging—but oh so needed(and maybe I’m not even over it all yet??); through the non-stop travel I bucked up the courage to carry on, despite flight delays, missing important events, wondering why I do what I do; through many sleepless nights and physical ailments I endured and marched forward; I still appreciate what a year it’s been, because I also did some amazing things! I ventured to new places; I got a promotion(yeehaw creative director!); we are proud parents of Bodhi our beta fish; my gut health seems to be under control and migraines too!
...
It’s often in retrospect we can appreciate and understand the journey we’re on, why we have the peaks and valleys, the duality that we live and breathe. So thank you 2018 for my battle scars and perspective. Thank you for allowing my heart to love in a new capacity and allowing softness towards myself. 2019 I’m ready for you!

2018 was oh so sweet

We whipped up something special for our last morning in 2018! Homemade (GF) Cinnamon Rolls with Bourbon Vanilla Glaze. That’s all for now - they’re still warm and this lady is hungry! Xx wishing you all a Happy New Year!

Recipe adapted from Gluten Free on a Shoestring

So I knew right off the bat that I wanted to make something sweet for our last morning of 2018. My close friends know that I NEVER eat anything sweet for brekkie. It’s usually eggs, smoothie, etc. but never sweet treats. So I wanted to treat us and myself this day. I knew we didn’t have any yeast kicking around either so most of my traditional cinnamon roll recipes were not an option. A little googling later and I stumbled upon the Gluten Free on a Shoestring site and WOW, she has heaps of amazing recipes! I found this yeast free version and the recipe is below. Including my adaptions.

INGREDIENTS

For the dough
3 1/2 to 4 cups (490 to 560 g) all purpose gluten free flour (I used Bobs)

2 teaspoons xanthan gum (omit if your blend already contains it, Bobs does)

2 1/2 teaspoons baking powder

1/4 teaspoon kosher salt

1/2 cup (100 g) granulated sugar

6 tablespoons (84 g) unsalted butter, at room temperature (used Miyokos)

2 eggs (100 g, weighed out of shell), at room temperature, lightly beaten

1 cup (8 fluid ounces) milk, at room temperature (used coconut milk)

For the filling
1 cup (218 g) light brown sugar

2 tablespoons ground cinnamon

1/8 teaspoon kosher salt

4 tablespoons (56 g) unsalted butter, melted and cooled

For the glaze
1 cup (115 g) confectioners’ sugar

1/2 tablespoon milk (any kind)

1/2 tablespoon of bourbon (any kind)

Dash of vanilla extract

DIRECTIONS

Preheat your oven to 350°F. Grease the wells of a standard twelve-cup muffin tin and set it aside.

In a large bowl, place 3 1/2 cups (490 g) of the flour, the xanthan gum, baking powder, 1/4 teaspoon of the salt, and the granulated sugar, and whisk well. Add 6 tablespoons of the butter, the eggs, and the milk, and mix until the dough comes together. The dough should be smooth and relatively easy to handle. If the dough seems sticky, add more flour by the tablespoon and knead it in with well-floured hands until the dough is smooth.

Turn the dough out onto a piece of lightly floured unbleached parchment paper. Sprinkle the dough lightly with extra flour and roll it into a 12-inch by 15-inch rectangle, about 1/4 inch thick (no thinner). Trim any especially rough edges.

Make the filling. In a medium-size bowl, place all of the filling ingredients and mix to combine well. With a small offset spatula or large spoon, spread the filling in an even layer over the top of the rectangle of dough, leaving about 1/4 inch clean around the perimeter. Starting at a short side, roll the dough away from you into a tightly formed roll. Slice the roll in cross-section into twelve equal pieces, each about 1 inch thick. Place each roll in a well of the prepared muffin tin.

Place the tin in the center of the preheated oven, and bake for about 25 minutes, or until the rolls begin to turn golden brown and the filling starts to bubble out of them. Remove from the oven and allow to cool until the rolls are firm enough to handle (about 10 minutes), then transfer to a wire rack to finish cooling. Be sure to remove the rolls from the muffin tin before they are completely cool, or they will begin to stick to the muffin tin.

While the rolls are cooling, make the icing. In a small bowl, place the confectioners’ sugar and 1/2 tablespoon of milk, and 1/2 tablespoon of bourbon and dash of vanilla. Mix well until a thick paste forms. Add more milk by the 1/4-teaspoon, mixing to combine well, until the glaze falls off the spoon slowly, in a thick but pourable glaze. Add milk very slowly, as it is much easier to thin, than to thicken, the glaze. If you do thin the glaze too much, add more confectioners’ sugar a teaspoon at a time to thicken it. Drizzle or spread the icing on the cooled rolls before serving.

Fire Cider

What is Fire Cider?

Fire cider is a health tonic and old folk remedy that is amazing!! Why so great, let me count the ways, let’s start: powerful at boosting your immune system, aids in gut health, reduces inflammation, boosts metabolism, just to list a few. Making this at home is also much more affordable then purchasing from most shops and allows you to play a bit with your own ingredients.

The winter is the perfect time of year to really ramp up our cells to help when we get a little run down and keep us moving and grooving in these winter months. Peep the recipe below to make your own, or shoot me a note, happy to make custom orders for y’all.

Homemade Fire Cider recipe (adapted from Foodie with Family):

• 1 large horseradish root 

• 1 large ginger root 

• 1 onion 

• 1 orange

• 1 lemon

• 16 cloves of garlic peeled

• 2-4 habanero peppers 

• 1 tablespoon grated turmeric

• raw apple cider vinegar

• raw honey

• thyme, rosemary, any other herb you’d like to add

• peppercorns

Grate the horseradish, ginger, and turmeric roots. Roughly chop the onions, orange, lemon, garlic, and hot peppers. Stuff them into a half-gallon glass jar with a tight fitting lid or divide evenly between two quart sized canning jars. Add in any other spices or herbs you’d like along with your peppercorns. Raw honey is a nice addition to balance the heat, but we like to add that after it’s sat for a few weeks. Pour the raw apple cider vinegar (we like Braggs best) in over the contents, allowing it to settle in through the crevices and adding more so that the contents are submerged. Cover top of jar with wax paper, parchment paper, to shield ingredients from the metal lid (similar to when you make kombucha or kraut) then screw the lid on tightly. Alternatively you could use one of the PBA plastic lids too! Let the mixture sit in a dark, cool place, allowing it to marry and infuse for 4 - 6 weeks, shaking once daily.

After 4 - 6 weeks, pour the contents into a muslin or cheesecloth lined colander positioned over a stable pot. Let it drain for 30 minutes, then gather the corners of the cloth, twisting and squeezing until you cannot release any more liquid. When it's fully strained, add honey to the liquid to taste and pour into a sterilized wine bottle or canning jar. Store in a cool, dark place for up to a year, shaking well before using.

The beauty of this is you can really add or change anything above. Crushed red pepper works as a great substitute for hot peppers. Powdered turmeric is also a-ok if you can’t find fresh. Some recipes call for the addition of rosehips too. So feel free to mix and add whatever floats your boat.

This recipe makes a half gallon. So you can divide as needed between jars or cut the recipe in half if needed. 

The hardest part is patience, but it will be well worth the wait!

Labor Day

Happy Labor Day to my US loves! We had an amazing trip in Mexico City. Spent one afternoon exploring the pyramids of the sun and the moon - naturally feeling in my element as we climbed the top and soaked up the sun. Heading home today and feeling so grateful for the time spent with dear friends ... exploring, eating, and wandering our way through Mexico.

Universe Hear My Cry

With all the emotions whirling around it’s no shock that yes I too am feeling it. Feeling crazy, emotional, sleepless. One of the habits I turn to when I seem to be upset or even just want to brighten the day, is buying myself fresh flowers. So upon returning home from my travels I stopped to pick up something beautiful and bright. In the flower shop I had lots of options to pick from. But I immediately went to the gladiolus bunch. These magnificent beauties caught my eye with their sunset hue contrasted perfectly against vibrant green stems. I picked them up immediately, these were the ones. Now I’m not sure I’ve ever bought these flowers before, I’m usually a peony, or wild flower type of gal but today was different. As I mentioned in my last post in the IG world, I’ve been struggling with anxiety, and a huge lack of sleep. This is a little unchartered territory for me, I’ve only experienced this once maybe twice before. So I’m learning how to address and overcome these fears. I was getting ready for bed tonight all excited to be home and in our bed. And then BOOM, my heart was racing and beating right out of my chest. I could feel the thud in my throat. It felt like hands were wrapped around my neck and I couldn’t breathe. I raced out of the house hopped into my car and drove. Windows down and some sappy sad song on the radio I drove out of the city lights to where I could see the stars. It took a while to calm myself. A thought crossed my mind ... well many thoughts crossed my mind, but one distracting thought was why did I get those flowers, which in the scheme of things was a small fry question and yet I was intrigued. I decided to look up the meaning of a gladiolus flower.

The gladiolus flower has been known to: express tenderness, love, grace, elegance and family which are essential details of the females. The second meaning is associated with the masculine side and that of a gladiator, which is a symbol of strength and self-confidence. In ancient times this flower or wearing this mark which was often adorned on bodies or armor and it was believed that this flower had magnificent power to protect them from wounds, a protective talisman.

Wow, all of that seems to resonate with me so much. I am battling my own biological clock but I’m trying to remain present and not let my emotions overrule me. This retrograde has all of my most feminine desires surging to the surface. I’m not quite sure how to deal with it all. I know that time is everything and that my path will soon be revealed. I have to trust the universe will hear my prayers and intentions. As I sat there and pondered about these meanings I knew better than to write it off as coincidence. I’m of the age where having a baby is a little now or never ... well not so much right this minute, but in the next few years, which to me feels like "girl get your shit together". It's also a shit ton of pressure. I'm thoroughly enjoyiny my current status quo, I am not ready for the next step of motherhood just yet. All you mamma's out there ... how do you do it? It seems amazing but overwhelming at the same time. I've had almost every mom I know tell me you're never really ready for it, but you thrive and do it. 

Further evidence of getting in tune with my energy body was the color selection of flowers. This sunset hue I mentioned above, well the yellow, orange, pink ombre that cascades from the center of the flower also overlaps the 3 base chakras colors; root (red), sacral (orange), and solar plexus (yellow). A little 101 for those of you unfamiliar with chakras and just to skim the surface including the psychological symptoms of them. 

1st - Root: This chakra is embodied by the color red and is located at the base of the spine.  Its Sanskrit name is muladhara. It is associated with our connection to earth, survival, health, abundance, family, passion, and moving forward in life.

If the root (base) chakra becomes unbalanced, you may feel "stuck" and just can't seem to move forward in life. You may feel ungrounded, with a depleting sense of self.  This frequently happens following traumatic events, family problems, death of a loved one, and major life changes. A blockage in the root chakra prevents the release of grief, guilt, and sadness, contributing the the inability to move forward and preventing you from following your destiny.

Common psychological symptoms of an unbalanced root chakra: loneliness, insecurities, feeling ungrounded, unconfident, abandoned, indecisive, depressed, anxious, addictions, phobias, obsessions.

2nd - Sacral: This chakra is orange and is located above the base of the spine. Its Sanskrit name is svadhisthana. It is associated with our connection to other people, creativity, energy, confidence, and sexual health.

If the sacral chakra becomes unbalanced, you will have a lack of energy flow throughout the entire body. You may feel extremely lethargic and unmotivated for life, particularly exercise and sex, leading to sadness, loneliness, and mild depression.

Common psychological symptoms of an unbalanced sacral chakra: eating disorders, addictions, low self-confidence, dependency issues, low libido, and unbalanced emotions.

3rd - Solar Plexus: The yellow chakra located at the diaphragm. Its Sanskrit name is manipura.  It is associated with our physical center, personal power, desire, inner-strength, emotions, instincts, and “gut” feelings.

If the solar plexus chakra becomes unbalanced, you may feel very stressed all the time and powerless to gain control, leaving you mentally and physically exhausted. You may have “gut” feelings but are not sure of what or where they are coming from, contributing to your distress and discomfort. The stress of an unbalanced solar plexus chakra also contributes to poor memory and concentration.

Common psychological symptoms of an unbalanced solar plexus chakra: lack of memory and concentration, frequent fearing, feeling uncentered, sugar addictions, insomnia, and eating disorders.

I mean that sums it up right there. All three of those chakras have overlapped the emotions and psychological symptoms I've been feeling. I know deep down I'm meant to be a Mother, but the road to motherhood is not an easy one for me. The constant questions, do I want that, am I ready for that, what will this mean for me, are all swirling around in my brain. 

I felt better after grounding down and came home and had a pretty decent night of rest, so I must have released and repaired something. Today is a new day and I already feel some of the tension easing up from my chest. Over the next few days I'm proactively taking steps to rebalance my chakras. These include:

• Wearing red or consuming red foods to help me ground down to my root. I've already painted my nails red and plan to eat strawberries
• Doing more of what makes me happy, such as purchasing flowers, or a yoga class to heal my second which is my powerhouse of creativity, pleasure, and enjoyment
• Carrying an abalone stone to heal my 3rd chakra
• Lastly, and these are in no particular order, meditating with the color spectrum. There are heaps of guided meditations online that are powerful and help to lead you through the colors of the chakras. The ability to visualize a color can help those reconnect with the energy body. 

Thanks all for listening to my personal dramas, and universe I know you'll give me the nudge I need. Anyone else have suggestions? or have experienced something similar? would love to hear from all of you. Xx 

Ref Chakras: http://www.curativesoul.com/chakras#.W2x3m_5Kjyt

France - 36 hours in Paris

Day 1

Feeling fresh off our flight from D.C. We hit the ground running... kidding we didn't sleep a wink and thought white wine would put us to sleep - fail. But nothing a little espresso couldn't fix. If you're just getting up to speed my boyfriend and I are traveling France for two weeks. Paris, Bordeaux, Carcassonne, Nice, and back to Paris! So you haven't missed much as it's day 1. As soon as we were semi functioning, thanks for a double espresso, we grabbed an uber to the 10th district to our Airbnb. Our host Vera was so so sweet. Her home had everything we would need for the next two days, complete with a balcony and huge black cat. She was also travel guide extraordinaire - complete with maps and Rick Steve's Europe pocket guide. She had lots of tips for us and we were grateful for that! 

We grabbed lunch at a small cafe on the corner which was our first meal in Paris! Quiche + side salad, two espressos, and a chocolate mousse tart - voila! From there we ventured around the 19, 10, & 9th districts. This part of Paris is flush along the canal - lots of little cafes and boats. We saw some beautiful street art and took in the sights. We stopped into a local brewery - naturally met some Americans and enjoyed a beverage while watching the rain start to fall and chatting about our upcoming symposium in Carcassonne.

As the jet lag started to kick in and let's be honest I was tipsy, we strolled to get dinner. We dined on traditional French cuisine, Croque Monsieur with frites and a side salad -- YUM, then off to sleep for a full 12 hours.

Day 2

We awoke to thunder and rain Wednesday morning. It was actually quite perfect allowing us to sleep in a little later and get adjusted to the time. We had both fallen asleep around 9 PM and then woke at 1 AM ready to go -- it was only 7 PM to our bodies! Somehow despite the noise and rain we fell back asleep and voilà! 12 hours later woke up feeling pretty good. After some espresso and a leisurely morning we scooted over to start our explorations at the Arc de Triomphe. 

Arc de Triomphe, Des Camps-Élysées

This beautiful arch is surrounded by a round about of fast moving cars. Frogger anyone? After deciding we didn't want to cross over but just admire from afar, we decided to get our first chocolate croissants and fresh baguette complete with a mini wheel of goat cheese from Josephine (what a treat and must do while in this area) and headed down the Champs-Elysees which is similar to the NYC 5th Ave; full of shops and stores and yes more cafes towards the Eiffel Tower. Along the way we stumbled upon a huge open air market. Everything you could imagine, fresh formage, olives, fish, the butcher, clothes, linens, hats, fabrics, flowers, it was beautiful. After tempting our taste bubs we kept trekking to the tower. 

Devin enjoying the French breads... and subtle middle finger! 🤔

Peonies in the market. 

Fresh mint at the market. 

The base of the Eiffel was under construction, and they've really upped security since my last visit here. Now visitors have to go through metal detectors and are subject to bag searches. You're not allowed to bring in any bottles of liquid- apparently there have been acid attacks .... what the ...  so Devin was in luck as he did NOT want to walk to the top of the tower and refused to throw out our 3 bottles of water .... Convenient. Ha, it was actually a blessing as we were still getting adjusted to jet lag, so we strolled the gardens and sat down to eat our baguette and cheese while taking in the beauty of the tower. It couldn't have been more perfect as the lawns weren't that busy and we felt like we had a little slice of heaven to ourselves in that moment. 

Eiffel Tower

From there we walked to the Military museum, just as the sun decided to grace us with her presence, we sat down at a little cafe for a pit stop of Sancerre. By the way 50cL is a good amount of wine and we were both a little drunk after that. After collecting ourselves, we went to the Rodin museum, which was great - the second time I've seen the Gates of Hell. We were in debate about the original location of the doors as a cast has been made of it - I had also seen the Gates of Hell in Zurich. Our assumptions were this was the original - remind me to google search that later. Other famous pieces of work include; "The Thinker", and Van Gogh's "Le Pere Tanguy". 

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The Louvre  

 Onward to the Opera where the sky opened up and decided to downpour. We snuck into a juicery and thanks to a little green juice and bliss ball we were off to the Lourve. This beautiful gem of museum is accessed by the glass pyramid which takes you underground. It is stunning every time you see it. This museum holds amazing artwork and provides visitors with all the culture you could imagine.

Next stop: Norte Dame and Sainte Chappell Cathedrals for our intake of Gothic artictecture, which concluded with a sweet treat at Berthillon Glacier (icecream)! We both had the traditional signature flavors - Salted Caramel and White Strawberry - Voila! We were getting a little weary at this point and well overdue for dinner, so we strolled in the direction of home and stopped a bustling cafe called Le Philosphors. I had the smoked salmon salad and we shared a trio of raw cheese - so so good. Devin had a 3 course meal complete with chicken liver salad and fried duck legs and frites! We were stuffed to say the least and decided to stroll back home. After a full 12 hours on our feet we were BEAT. Sleep came easy.

Day 3

We hoped the train to Bordeaux for the night, slowly making our way to Carcassonne. Note that the French transit system is interesting. Not only is it on strike which will later cause us many woes, but none of the train numbers or platforms align with the tickets and trains issued. It was semi confusing at 7 AM to be dealing with this but we made it. We're now in route on the top of a double decker high speed train. Next stop - ALL THE VINO in Bordeaux! 

Anahata

Happy New Year! Hope everyone had a lovely holiday. I seem to have been doing so many things and a lot of nothing at the same time. Yin to my Yang. I spent the week between Christmas and New Years, eating a lot of oatmeal. Sleeping for 10 hours a day -- can we say hibernation? Getting my yoga on, and indulging in more cocktails than I'd like to admit -- hot toddy's and bourbon coffee are so good right now. Which is why Saturday was the BEST thing I could've done for myself. I attended another session of Breathwork with Brigitte. 

This time there were 30+ beautiful souls along for the journey. I was also fortunate enough to experience this next to Devin. I held his hand in mine and onward we went. The room as warm, and as Brigitte guided us through the breath I began to sweat. My mind went into so many directions it's hard to remember exactly what was going on. I remember feeling this intense gripping sensation in my hands. My right palm curled tight into a fist -- so tightly that one couldn't pry it open if they wanted to. In the hand that was holding Devin's I felt an electric current. As if there was a surge of electricity moving back and forth between his hand and mine. My arms then felt as if they were chained to the floor. I couldn't move them or uncurl my fingers. I just kept breathing in and out of my body, and tried to relax knowing this sensation was only temporary. I was quite fascinated by the electric feel that was projecting between our hands. This was of course not necessarily a new sensation - as Devin and I have experienced our energy bodies reacting to one another before, but the intensity of this was quite new. This went on for the entire active meditation portion. It reminded me of that small shock sensation one may have when you encounter and electric shock - such as a piece of clothing that has static electricity that zaps you a little bit. 

Once the active meditation ended, we were guided to soften and relax the breath and body, however, I still couldn't ease up on the grip. Then I started to convulse, right there on the floor after a few "calming" breaths. My chest was surging towards the sky and tears streamed down my face. At this point I was sweating profusely, and it felt and I'm sure appeared like I was having my own little dance party on my mat. Both Brigitte and Rick confirmed later, this was the case. #breathworkdanceparty? Anyways, after what seemed like forever my breath started to ease up and I began to grow a little chilly as my body started to relax. My arms softened as I was still experiencing tingling through my fingers and arms but it had become lighter. After the restorative portion of the breath, we were guided into a mini savasana. I tried to just relax as best I could, I was hyper aware of all the noises in the room, the beating of my own heart, the chill my body felt. It was a surreal moment as I laid there. Once Brigitte cued us to stir it took me a while to find movement, my hands still felt glued to the floor and my fingers felt locked into the fists I had created during the active meditation portion. I laid curled up on my side for a while before I felt the urge and ability to get myself upright. As I made my way up, others in the group started to share their experiences. It always amazes me the similarities that we all experienced, and yes I know we're all sharing that same energy, but we all have something different going on internally. Some had that 'fist of fury' experience as I'll dub it - others expressed feelings of a wedding and a funeral. Extremes on both ends of the spectrum. I felt exhausted, my mind was dull and my body felt like it had just been hit by a bus. Even today a few days later my arms are aching like I lifted something incredibly heavy.  

I shared with Brigitte what I was feeling and had experienced. Tightness in the hands is often showing a blockage that one can have in our heart chakra. Even though the hands are clearly not our hearts, they are passages directly to it. She explained that this type of reaction meant I had fear in my heart. Let's rewind to get everyone on the same page about the fourth chakra. The fourth chakra, also known as Anahata, is the center of love and connection. A strong, balanced heart chakra allows you to live freely and openly from a place of compassion. However, a blocked heart chakra can interfere with your happiness and relationships in many ways. Some common symptoms of a blockage can include loneliness, fear, anxiety, inability to forgive. If this chakra is imbalanced in some way it means that somewhere along the line, there has been a disruption in your attitude and understanding of love. For me, I would say that I definitely have fear when it comes to matters of the heart. Not just in romantic relationships either. I've experienced pain in all types of relationships with those I've cared for. I've done a good amount of healing and meditation, but of course there's always more work to be done. I sometimes find my mind subconsciously going back to past experiences and trying to project that into the now, weaving small webs of doubt. The mind will play tricks on you, which is when you have to learn to shut it down and listen from the heart. You must also know your worth, and know that good things are meant for you -- that the love you show to others will be given back to you as well. Which is interesting. I was sort of surprised see what was blocked this time around and how ironic that Devin was there to share the experience with me. The hand that was holding his wasn't gripped shut. It was electric and moving energy. I told Dev about this and what Brigitte had explained to me about my fear and blockage in my heart chakra. His thoughts were that given what we had learned and experienced that perhaps his hand was helping to ground me. I like this explanation of course -- but that's me being biased. He too felt the current surging between our hands, but didn't experience any gripping or tightness sensations. How interesting that the hand that held his was open and freely moving of energy. This leads me to believe that my heart is open to him, I have always felt that but surly this supports that belief. I'm not going to analyze what happened much further, just keeping an open mind about it all and promising myself to try and keep my heart open too. In the meantime, I'm going to try a few of these techniques to help keep the energy moving and flowing. The below consists of meditations, affirmations, visualizations, suggestions I've pulled from various texts and online blogs. 

• Be green. Get out in nature. Even this time of year with all the snow! I also just acquired some new plants for the house. 
• See green. Visualize a strong, clear green light filling up your heart center—located in the center of your sternum and below your shoulder blades.
• Breathe green. Diffuse EO's such as lavender, beragmot, sandalwood, ylang ylang. 
• Be love. 
• Give love. 
• Listen to love. The songs or sounds that light up your heart. 
• Remind myself that the grass isn't always greener. 
• Practice yoga. 
• Forgive.

"The Heart chakra is such an important chakra, the centerpiece of all seven. It is the place where the physical and spiritual planes come together, and all of this rests on a foundation of love and gratitude. When it is open, there is much joy and love to be found in the world. This is why it is important for everyone to heal and grow the fourth chakra." - Mind Valley

If you haven't attended Breathwork yet and you live locally in Capital District I urge you to get to a workshop soon. This meditation is truly transformational. Thanks to Brigitte and Rick for guiding all of us on Saturday. xx 

Breathwork Meditation

Sunday evening I decided to join my friend Marci and try out a breathing meditation called Breathwork here in Saratoga. To be honest, I haven’t sat down and just focused on my breath since India … whomp whomp ... "bad lady" as Timji would say. It’s been far too long since I sat down and truly dedicated time and space to just my breathing. I’m guilty of tacking it on to the end of my practice or the beginning, but usually due to lack of time, it’s short and honestly after yesterday, feels a bit pathetic. 

Yesterdays class was guided by Brigitte and was AMAZING. She has the gentlest voice and holds the space for all in attendance. You start lying down on your back, with any props that you may need to support you. I chose to have a bolster under my knees and blanket on top to keep me warm. Once you are situated we start to breathe. This is a Three-Part Breath — Dirga Swasam Pranayama (DEER-gah swha-SAHM prah-nah-YAH-mah) — and is often the first breathing technique taught to new yoga practitioners. The “three parts” are the abdomen, diaphragm, and chest. During Three-Part Breath, you first completely fill your lungs with air, as though you are breathing into your belly, ribcage, and upper chest. Then you exhale completely, reversing the flow. You sort of make a little swishing sound if you can imagine as the parts of the breath come and go from the body.

Dirga Swasam comes from two Sanskrit words. “Dirga” (also spelled “Deerga”) has several meanings, including, “slow,” “deep,” “long,” and “complete.” “Swasam” refers to the breath. Therefore, this practice is sometimes also referred to as “Complete Breath.” It is also often simply called “Dirga Pranayama.” Dirga Swasam also helps us open up energy blockages we may have in the body. We start down low at the root chakra and through the breath lift and move the energy all the way up to the crown chakra. 

Brigitte guided us during the 60 minutes to keep focusing on the breath. She added in some cues along the way, such as giggles or laughing, or yelling into your hands, moving when we needed to, and she applied various essential oils to the throat, chest, misted in the air to help us open up our chakras. 

About halfway through the breath work I started to feel like someone was choking me. Tight hands clenched around my throat making it feel impossible to breath. I just kept the breath as steady as I could in my attempt to work through it. Enter Throat Chakra blockage! Where in the world did you come from? This Chakra is also called Visuddha, it is our bodies way of having a voice. It is the 5th Chakra and is the 1st of the 3 spiritual Chakras. It is positioned in the throat, it rules our thyroid, jaw, neck, mouth, tongue, parathyroid and larynx. When our Throat Chakra is in balance, we can speak and listen with confidence and express our higher selves in a completely authentic way. Expressing yourself like this is not always easy and there is a real line between being honest and remaining diplomatic. This is the pressure valve that releases energy from all the other Chakras to be distributed and expressed. If it is out of balance it can affect the health of our other energy centres, it is really important to balance it so we can fully express from our higher self. 

Well, well, well, Ms Taegan Marie, what in the world do we have here. What are you hiding deep down, that you can’t find the words to express? This is the thought that crept into my mind while I felt like devil hands were gripped on my throat, and I was gasping for breath — okay so it wasn’t so dramatic, but I couldn’t figure out why there was a blockage at that moment, and I knew I would look into it after class. So, I continued to breath. Just focusing on the breath and with each cycle the sensation became less and less. 

We finally slow down the complete breath and move into a meditative breath. Easy inhales in and out of the body, just letting our body relax even more onto the mat. As Brigitte encourages us to move our hands from the floor to our heart, I can’t move. My hands feel like a ton of bricks and tingling sensations all throughout them. So I decide to just lay there and breathe and then all the tears start flooding in. I cried and cried, gently as the tears streamed down the sides of my face. I suddenly became flush with heat and was burning hot. I saw images of people and things flash into my mind. Again, not sure why those very specific people or things came to me, but I decided not to analyze at that moment. This went on for what seemed like 20 minutes, although I’m sure it was much less. By the time Brigitte encouraged us to slightly move our fingers and toes and breathe deeper I calmed down and the tears had stopped. It took me a bit to move, again that sticky like feeling and tingling was all throughout my body. As I came back to the present moment, I felt very calm and at ease albeit a bit exhausted. We all shared our individual experiences and it was amazing to hear the various feelings, or emotions, and sensations that each person had experienced. All very similar but very different. This type of energy work is different for each person and will vary each time you do it. I proceeded home to rest and hibernate for the evening. I slept wonderfully and woke up beyond refreshed to teach my 6 am class this morning. I will absolutely be back to continue to work on the energy blockages in my body. One hour can be truly transformational if you give yourself the time to let it happen. 

If you’re looking to experience deep healing and to shift around blocked energies within your body I highly suggest getting into a session with Brigitte and allowing yourself the time and space to heal and move your prana. Schedule below:

Sunday's
Location: One Big Roof
Time: 4-5pm
Fee: $15.00
*Pre-registration required.
To RSVP or for info, contact Brigitte 518-275-5653 or peacewithin19@gmail.com

First Monday of the Month
Location: Hannah’s Healing
Time: 6:30-7:30pm
Fee: $15
*Pre-registration required.

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Practicing pranayama helps to regulate and purify your vital life force energy or prana. In yoga, it is believed that when your prana becomes unbalanced, you become susceptible to illness and disease in body, mind, and spirit. By bringing awareness to your body and consciously practicing breath-control exercises, you can bring positive changes to your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual wellbeing.

Choice

I've been a little consumed by life and haven't been very open with how I've been feeling lately. Life is good - let's start with that, because it truly is. I'm blessed with good health, have amazing family and friends, have another who holds space for me in his heart, and I've got a steady job that keeps me on my toes. As I took Bikram today I noticed a well of emotions start to overwhelm me. No folks, it was not the extreme heat; it was a profound understanding of the choices that we make in life, the choices that I've made in life. So join me as I dive into the rabbit hole of choices. As yes of course, these thoughts often come to me whenever I'm working through something on my mat, whenever I can be raw, volunerable, and completely exposed(mostly to myself). 

Earlier today I chatted with my mother, one whom I often consult for advice and we started to discuss the choices we make. I shared with her how just last week, I was confronted with a truth that I've been avoiding for a while, and I was finally able to share that truth with the universe. Sharing my feelings and opinions also forced a choice in the moment. Whether we consciously or subconsciously realize it, we often make decisions without realizing that we doing just that. I'm a big fan of living in the moment, but it got me thinking ... We never really know how the choices we make today, in the here and now, are going to affect us down the road. And there's no sense in getting wrapped up in the future because that is a constant state of impermanence. The future is the now, as I often remind myself thanks to Osho. So, that got me to thinking, have I been making my choices in life for the moment? Or are they influenced by my imagation, aspirations, & dreams for the future? I decided to look up the exact meeting of the word choice.

CHOICE; in philosophy, a corollary of the proposition of free will—i.e., the ability voluntarily to decide to perform one of several possible acts or to avoid action entirely. An ethical choice involves ascribing qualities such as right or wrong, good or bad, better or worse to alternatives.

Determinism denies the reality of choice, because of a complete causal connectedness of motive and volition with physical, psychological, social, and even unconscious forces. Indeterminists insist, on the other hand, that human beings, however limited in choices, still are free to choose among alternatives and to put such choices into action. Thus volition (in this view) is, at least partly, independent of the strength of motivation, and itself determines which motive prevails.

The existential attitude in philosophy emphasizes such freedom of choice as well as the necessity of having to choose.

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Agruably, my choices are both a bit of the here and now, but also of my unconscious desires for the future.  I am also the sum of my choices because I am my life and nothing else.  Our choices today do shape the future in ways we can't understand, and I do believe we always have a path that's often unknown to us, but it's there and unfolding every day. We can make choices that funnel us into a specific direction, but life will always encourage us on this path, or present alternatives to get us back on that destined path. Maybe I've lost you a bit, but maybe you're following along. Thanks for listening. XX 

Ashtanga Yoga (astau - eight; anga - branch, leg, limb)

The Ashtanga Vinyasa Yoga is a style of yoga codified and popularized by K. Pattabhi Jois during the 20th century which is often promoted as a modern-day form of classical Indian yoga. Patanjali's Yoga Sutras' well-known eight limbs or branches, of which asana or physical yoga posture is merely one branch, breath or pranayama is another. Both Pattabhi Jois and Sharath Jois, his grandson, encourage practice of Ashtanga Yoga - all eight limbs. 

My journey with Ashtanga Yoga has evolved over the years. I first learned Ashtanga yoga and practiced the Primary Series with my first teacher Justin Wolfer in 2012. It was during our 200 hr TT that we would practice, usually during our Saturday morning practice or Sadhana. I really appreciated the practice and found it challenging, but I didn't totally understand the ways in which Ashtanga would forever change my life.

Let's start from the beginning and my introduction to yoga in general. I grew up as a highly active child, playing soccer, ballet, gymnastics, competitive swimming, softball, basketball. As I grew into a young adult I played field hockey and ran track. I was always a GO GO GO child. Constantly on the move, rarely did I ever sit still. One would rationalize a variety of reasons why this was so; divorced parents so activities kept me busy; my own desire and interest to be a part of a team; all of my close friends were involved with sports and so I too wanted to follow along; and I was fairly good a picking up new activities, they generally came with much ease. I found that I thrived when I was moving and so I've always kept in a constant motion of sorts.

Let's fast forward a few years ... I was post undergrad and had returned home that summer to ideally find a job in NYC and to save some money working as a Nanny. I'll never forget my first experience with yoga, which was at a local YMCA, I was so disturbed and turned off that I wasn't sure 'yoga' was for me. I attended the class, which was a 1 hour vinyasa flow. The instructor was noticeably late - 10 minutes past, which OK, that happens. He also arrived and was wearing very little clothing ... let's elaborate for a moment, picture very short shorts, zero shirt, mala beads hung around his neck and drooped down to rest on top of a rather large and hairy belly. I usually try not to judge, at least as I've matured, but I'm sure I was rather repulsed by this first impression, as I was young and often judgmental. I was positioned in the middle of the room, so that I would be able to see others and the teacher during class. As we sat the instructor proceeded to tell us about his very awful day, and complained for another 15 minutes. At this point, my mind was saying fuck, this guy is sitting here and using class as a form of therapy for himself. It was almost half past the hour and where was the yoga? I was so disappointed at this point that I lost interest very quickly. I don't remember the physical asana that took place after the class, all I could think about was this man and all of his negative energy flowing out into the studio.

Needless to say, it was a year and a half later before I wanted to try yoga again. This time I entered a heated studio at Hot Yoga Saratoga (HYS) and took my first ever Bikram class with owner Cindy Lunsford. I should mention that I arrived to class on crutches. Yes, I had broken my femur in a horrific ski accident and a few months had passed and here I was at hot yoga as a form of therapy. Cindy was so wonderful, she was very mindful and kept a close eye on me all throughout class. She offered modifications which allowed me to feel very comfortable and confident in class. For the first time since I broke my leg, I could really move my leg in ways that had not been possible since the accident. I immediately noticed an increase in my range of motion, it felt great to perspire and sweat so much after being cooped up and stationary for so long. The heat was a new challenge, but as the practice teaches you, it becomes a moving meditation. I was hooked. I started to go quite regularly after this. HYS also offered hot vinyasa classes, and this is where Justin enters my yoga world. I started to practice with Justin regularly over the next few years, which inevitably lead me to his very first Teacher Training. I remember having so much doubt in myself that I was "ready" to be a yoga teacher. I thought my leg is still recovering and I can't do all these poses, how can I ever be a yoga teacher if I can't do it all? Justin was very reassuring as I spoke these words to him, he said but of course you are ready. I started my journey into becoming a teacher and it was the best decision I could've ever made. This training was beyond unique, the other students in class are all so dear to me even many years later. I learned the meaning of a yoga family and yoga home. We allowed ourselves to be vulnerable with one another - sharing personal details of our lives. We would openly cry in our afternoon sessions, and Justin fostered such a supportive environment that this was OK. I usually find that people submerse themselves into a yoga training at very pivotal times in their lives. I know that I did. I was entering this practicing while still physically recovering from the ski accident. I recently had my heart broken and earlier in the year my Dad had been diagnosed with Cancer. I would say that this was a very hard time for me, so many moving parts and pieces to deal with. Rolling out my mat was the one time during the day that I was able to shut it all off. I was able to free my mind. The others all too had their battle wounds from life and it was truly the most remarkable experience I had experienced.

Shortly after completing my 200 hr with Justin I left Upstate NY and moved to Washington DC. I had a very hard time finding a new "home studio". It's important to me to find a place where there is a sense of community, where you can feel safe, supported, and challenged. The people you practice with become family to you just like your teacher often does. This was missing for me. I struggled to find a place that fit into my definition of a yoga home. I started teaching at a nearby studio regularly, and also subbed at a few places around where I lived. Again, I was missing that deeper connection that I so longed for. It wasn't until I attended my first yoga retreat in Costa Rica and I came across the term "Rocket Yoga" and "Mysore". Two dear friends; Stephanie and Kat had been chatting about a studio called Little River Yoga (LRY) and wanted to try out a few classes when we got back to the States. Another friend of mine Emily, had also been talking forever about one of her teachers she really enjoyed named Carson, who also taught Rocket at LRY. All signs were pointing to LRY so upon my return home, I attended a class. I instantly loved Rocket Yoga. I took class with Maggie Lively and really enjoyed the playfulness and challenge of the practice. I was inspired by all of the other students in the room, in various arm balances and inversions. I was a fairly strong practitioner but had yet to master a handstand, I couldn't believe some of the postures that I was witnessing. I started a weekly date to LYR for Rocket classes, and very quickly I became addicted. It must've been after a few visits that I finally met the owner of LRY, Stair Calhoun. I chatted with her about Mysore because I was a bit intimidated. Even though I was a "Teacher", I wasn't comfortable for some reason. Stair just said, "You come". There I was the following Monday morning on my mat at 6 AM. This day has become another large milestone in my journey. Stair explained to me the entire Ashtanga Vinyasa system, the breath, the chants, the history. I often refer to her as my Yoga Mom. She proceeded to teach me in all sorts of ways; she gave me my own Ashtanga class to teach at the studio only a few months after starting in the Mysore program, she believed I was ready when I still doubted myself. She sent me to a weekend workshop with David Robson in Georgetown Yoga. We both attended Tim Millers Primary Series TTC in Tulum, Mexico later that year. She introduced me into the world of doTERRA essential oils, and I completed an AromaTouch Therapy training. I had begun assisting her in the Mysore room in the mornings on weekends. She was grooming me to someday have a studio of my own, and I am beyond blessed that she entered into my world when she did. I must also mention another wonderful teacher during my time at LRY, David Ingalls. David was so understanding and nurturing of my physical limitations, but always found a way to work with me. He taught me a lot about softening and I value his teachings so dearly. My physical body grew in leaps and bounds through the support of both my teachers through the Ashtanga practice. My strength and flexibility increased, I really started to listen to my body, and developed an awareness about it that had been missing before. I started to be mindful of the things I ate and what time I was going to sleep. Yoga became a top priority in my life at this time.

After a few years in DC I moved across the country to San Francisco, CA. Here I was again, small fish big pond. Not only was it hard to find a studio to teach at, but there was hardly any Ashtanga! I had just left Ashtanga Mecca in DC to arrive to a small community of Ashtangis. Don't get me wrong there was heaps of yoga, but little Ashtanga. I developed a home practice on and off, I found it hard to stay committed when I wasn't getting that touch point with a teacher to help me in my practices. I did find Asta yoga where I was able to get my weekly fix of Rocket and Led Primary on Sunday's with Renee and Scott, but as for a daily mysore practice, that went out the window a bit. I found I was doing a lot more hot vinyasa and Bhakti yoga, as this is the popular trend in the West.

As things often do, life and my practice have come full circle. I eventually moved back Upstate and I am honored to be teaching Ashtanga classes at Justin's studio, Rise Yoga Arts & Movment. Who would've thought I'd be back where I started with my first teacher and able to teach a practice that I am so passionate about. One that has helped to shape my life the past several years. Not to mention moving back Upstate has fulfilled my desires to be near to family and friends, but the yoga community or family is amazing. I feel blessed and fortunate to be surrounded with so many amazing souls.

Long story short (Ha!), Ashtanga has been such a large part of my spiritual and physical journey over the past several years. I've met amazing people in various shalas, while on retreats, at trainings, at conferences, and workshops all with Ashtanga being the common thread. This community is strong and soft, they live all over the world. My physical practice comes and goes, and I've learned to be OK with that. I can't always have a physical practice because of various reasons and this has allowed me to work on my spiritual development. The past few days here at Purple Valley have been hard for me. Since the Energy healing with Petri I haven't been able to practice. I have been tired and weak, I was feeling very low. I needed to just rest. Which is a hard concept for me to handle. Rest is not something I do well, and I often think I am resting when I'm still allowing busy-ness to invade my life. I've disconnected from all things the past few days, reading, practice, socializing, even eating has been difficult. Mostly I've been sleeping and relaxing by the pool and oh yes the occasional massage. Today was the first day that I felt semi-normal again, and I think I may practice for my last day here at Purple Valley. It's been a mental battle to tell myself that rest is OK, arguably it's necessary and needed. Just because we are not practicing our asana daily, does not make us a bad yogi, or any less dedicated. I often forget there are eight-limbs and asana is just one of them! Those physical pauses in our practice allow us to heal and grow in other ways. I've focused mostly on my breath and pranayama work. Additionally, I've really grown to love meditating more than ever. I got lost for over an hour in my mediation this morning while sitting by the pool. I've taken some time over the last few days to learn more about the energy body and ways to heal. This practice continues to give and I'm excited to see what lies ahead. I feel a shift within me that I can't exactly describe, but I know that all will be revealed soon. That's all for day, as it's the last afternoon here at Purple Valley and I plan to soak up as much sunshine and warmth as possible.